Over the last few weeks, I've received various questions about self-coaching like, what is self-coaching all about? How do you do self-coaching? How does self-coaching help us in our everyday life? Why has self-coaching suddenly become so important?
I decided to share my story of self-coaching that also includes the background of the Human Genome Project and the current genetic shift we are experiencing.
At the height of my career as a lecturer in Organisational Psychology at a large university, with a flourishing consulting company, a coaching practice, and a large household with four sons, my life suddenly came to a standstill. I found myself paralysed with fractured neck vertebrae after a motor car accident.
However, the worst was still to come. After more than six weeks the doctors found that I hadn't begun to heal. I was so burnt-out that the DNA responsible for growth and healing was frazzled. This was a serious wake-up call. I overspent my energy resources, my life force. If something drastic didn't happen, I might never be able to walk again. I might even die.
This was not only a wake-up call, it was a turnaround point in my life.
I realised, people all over the world are also at a turning point. We are not alone on this journey. The current Covid-pandemic is just but one of these wake-up calls. The question is, how do you turn this all around?
Sliding down a dark pit
Pinned to my bed with neck braces and steel support structures, I found myself sliding down the slippery slopes of a pit of darkness filled with shock, anger, despair, depression, and feeling hopeless and powerless. I felt a deep sense of loss, emotional pain, and anxiety because I knew my life would never be that same again.
Everything I knew to be my whole life had suddenly fallen away.
However, at this darkest moment, I realised that I had a choice. We have been given free will – the ability to choose. The choices were, or I stay in this dark and depressing state, or I create something totally new.
I decided to see this experience as a wake-up call. It became a turn-around time. l took me nearly a year to heal and to learn to walk again.
The Human Genome Project
As providence would have it, it was the same time that the research results of the Human Genome Project were released. The Human Genome Project (HGP) was one of the great feats of exploration in history.
Rather than an outward exploration of the planet or the cosmos, the HGP was an inward voyage of discovery led by an international team of researchers looking to sequence and map all of the genes -- together known as the genome -- of members of our species, Homo sapiens. Beginning on October 1, 1990, and completed in April 2003, the HGP gave us the ability, for the first time, to read nature's complete genetic blueprint for building a human being.
Turning a setback into a come-back
My time pinned to my bed became not only a period of rest, but also an opportunity to read study, research, and learn. Looking back, I now realise that it was a time of preparation for the next season of my life. This even included a whole new career.
This so-called ‘set-back’ became my greatest gift.
Having a B.Sc. degree in natural and medical sciences and a Ph.D. in Psychology, it fascinated me to learn that we all have a unique DNA blueprint of who we are that holds the keys not only to our physical health, but also to our emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. I learnt we also have psychological and spiritual DNA just waiting to be discovered. At the moment, all this power and potential is on hold.
DNA functions like a micro-chip
Our DNA functions like a microchip that not only holds our personal information but is also the connection between us, who are, and all the power and potential of the Universe. Our external macro-world connects to our inner personal micro-world in and through our microchip – our DNA. I discovered that we are part of a magnificent universe of power, potential and infinite opportunities. We don't need to suffer.
At the same time - we are all connected to each other, not only on a DNA level but also on a universal level. We are not alone.
Just imagine, we all have a unique blueprint of who we are, what our purpose is, what success and prosperity really mean and how to be happy and fulfilled in every area of our lives, encoded as our DNA success-blueprint.
Unfortunately, we became disconnected from our blueprint. Another side of self developed out of this disconnection.
Two sides of self
So, now we all have two sides to ourselves. On the one side, we have the connected real authentic self that can create a new life of health, wealth, success, and prosperity. The other side is our shadow ego-self that is disconnected and creates a life of darkness, despair, lies, depression, disease, negativity, loss, and destruction.
These two parts of self not only have different values, visions, and success strategies, they are also in constant conflict with each other. Whoever wins the inner battle, will take over the final decision-making process, and therefore determine the direction your life will take.
I realised that if I ever wanted to get myself out of my dark and depressing dilemma and walk again, I would need to know who I am, who is making the decisions in my life, take back my ill-spent energy/power, and use all the power and potential at my disposal, to not only heal myself but also to create a whole new life.
An ego-trip becomes a soul journey
The academic journey became a spiritual journey of self-discovery and connecting to the greater good and the power of the Universe.
An ego trip turned into a soul journey.
Slowly I started to heal. Today I can not only walk again but I love dancing and walking. A whole new career has developed out of this so-called ‘tragedy’ that will keep me productive for the rest of my life. A setback turned into a come-back.
This is what happens when you are forced to go within.
A whole new life opens up
During this time, I learnt to coach myself back to health by using my newfound emotional mental, and spiritual tools and skills. However, much more than my physical healing emerged from this journey. A whole new level of happiness, success, and fulfillment opened up.
It was as if I could see clearer and further. Never could I have imagined that a whole new life, filled with happiness and success, lay behind all the pain, trauma, and suffering.
Fortunately, I wrote everything down. Three books containing all the basic scientific, spiritual, and personal information are now available.
However, the most exciting part is that the same skills and tools I used to turn my life around, are available as the series of Authentic Living and Leading.. Since then, the Academy for Authentic Living and Leading emerged that gives access to all the training courses, books, webinars, and podcasts.
Once again, life is throwing us a curveball in the form of the Covid pandemic. At the same time, a genetic shift is taking place. There is no time to waste. We need to think on our feet. Self-coaching has now become the number one skill we all have to develop if we are to ride the new waves of change and still stay productive and effective while creating a whole new future.
The questions are, what is self-coaching? Why is it important to develop self-coaching now? But first, we need to ask the question, what is coaching in the first place?
Coaching is a form of development in which an experienced person called a coach, supports a learner or client in achieving a specific personal and/or professional goal by providing training, learning, or counseling. The learner is sometimes called a coachee.
Up and till now, the external coach provides expertise, training, and guidance. Today, many coaches, companies, and organisations, provide coaching on all levels of life. If you need support and assistance, you can contact a coach. However, now times are changing. We don't have the time to run to a coach every time we have a problem or seek answers. We need to learn to coach ourselves, first. We need to think on our feet.
Self-coaching is the conscious choice to go within while mindfully connecting to your authentic, real-me, best-self, before you go without. Self-coaching is all about becoming still and going within, connecting to your authentic self, and connecting to all the power, wisdom, compassion, answers, and solutions the authentic self holds for you. You can't do this while rushing around.
Self-coaching is about reconnecting and recovering your original DNA success-blueprint. In the process, you also activate your DNA success-blueprint. Self-coaching is the conscious ability to give your authentic self the controlling power in your final decision-making process.
However, the shadow ego-self is a hard taskmaster that will not easily let go of its ill-gained control in your life. It will cause an inner battle, a struggle, inner conflict, and will try to convince you to do what is easy – and not what is right. Self-coaching is all about mastering your shadow ego-self.
Self-coaching towards self-mastery.
Our task is to be able to identify the two voices within. We need to master our inner talk and our decision-making processes. This brings us to the crossroads - the fork in the road. What path will you take? There are only one of two choices, or you take the path of self-mastery and authenticity, or you take the path of the shadow ego-self.
Different paths -different outcomes. We have been given the freedom to choose.
Your inner coach – the authentic self.
Here, at these crossroads, you need to hit the reset button and allow the inner coach, the authentic self, to take over the decision-making process. Your inner coach is more experienced, has all the answers and solutions, and will support you on this path of achieving any specific personal and/or professional goal. It is a gift given to every one of us.
In the beginning, you might first need the assistance of an external coach to help you get started. However, the more you practice, the more self-sufficient you will become. In the end, you will be able to coach yourself to ultimate success. See more about this topic in our next article.
You no more need to depend on others. With self-coaching, you can think on your feet while riding the waves of change. You become self-sufficient. You become the path-finder, map-maker, way-shower – the authentic leader – people are waiting for.
The importance of self-coaching
As time speeds up, we need to learn how to keep up, think on our feet while making quality, decisions. The truth is, we first speak to ourselves before we speak to anyone else. However, we have learnt that we have two sides to ourselves. As said, on the one side, is the authentic self, leading us to health, wealth, happiness, and success. On the other hand, we find the shadow ego-self who leads us down the path of depression and destruction.
It has therefore become important that we first become mindful, conscious, and aware of what is going on within ourselves and who makes the final choices, before we can create something new, without.
Learning how to distinguish between these two parts of self while making a conscious choice what side you will support, has now become your number one key to ultimate success in a rapidly changing world. Self-coaching is the ultimate key to success, now and in the future.
As a practical example, we can use the story of Nelson Mandela.
Nelson Mandela and self-coaching
Just imagine being locked up in a solitary confinement prison cell for more than 27 years, and still being able to maintain your sanity. This is what Nelson Mandela did. Just imagine what his inner dialogue was like for all those years having only four walls and himself to communicate with. This brings us to a deeper question of developing the ability to connect to and communicate with higher beings, angels, and spiritual masters.
Although we will never know what happened within those cell walls, Nelson Mandela emerged as a wise man that led his people to freedom. The world stood amazed as he turned the conflict into cooperation, chaos into compromise, hate into acceptance, and division into truth and reconciliation. His message was one of love, compassion, honesty, truth, integrity, and authenticity that made an indelible imprint of the fabric of life.
Something special happens when you first go within.
When we take our information about coaching above, into consideration – we realise that the more conscious, self-aware, mindful, and competent we become, the more we can replace the role of the external life coach with our own inner life coach, guide, and mentor. We can learn to coach ourselves. We can learn to think on our feet. We can even learn how to walk on water.
A few things need to happen to get to this level: You first need to:
Become still and become self-aware.
Stand back and become the silent, objective observer of your life.
Get to know who you truly are
Identify what you need to make you truly happy
Develop an inner discernment.
Know where you are coming from.
Understand where you are going and why.
Be mindful of where others are coming from.
Be selective about who and what you allow into your new life.
Become your own best friend.
Accept responsibility for writing the script for your new season.
Become the director and producer of your own ‘movie’.
Learn new skills and tools to be your own best coach ever.
Get help and assistance if necessary
Don’t miss this opportunity.
Remember, some will be able to make the move - others will stay behind.
Listen for answers and guidance with your heart
Listen to and with your heart
An easy rule of thumb is: The shadow ego-self comes from your head. The real-me authentic self comes from your heart. Listen to your heart. Listen with your heart. Become still. Go within. Listen and learn.
Getting to know and coach yourself could and does sometimes, take a whole lifetime. This is why we are here on Mother Earth. It is never too late to start.
You can start immediately.
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See the series of books on Authentic Living and Leading.
Look out for upcoming courses. Academy for Authentic Living and Leading.
Book Dr. Brenda as an inspiring speaker for your next event. Send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Remember to enroll in the 14-day course that will transform your life, titled: 10 Lessons from Nelson Mandela that elevate you to happiness.
Most people only remember the suffering that Nelson Mandela endured. However, after everything he went through, Madiba died a happy, fulfilled man. In a 14-day course, we can once again learn from Madiba that the end can be better than the beginning. With the right choices - your end can be better than the beginning. You can transform your life- and the lives of others.
Not only does Nelson Mandela provide us with answers and solutions, but he also shows us the path to health, wealth, and happiness. Madiba died a happy and fulfilled man. Remember the title, 10 Lessons from Nelson Mandela that elevate you to happiness. See the website for more details.
See the website for upcoming webinars and courses.
The next article is Self-coaching 4. How to coach yourself to ultimate success.
Until next time
Stay safe – stay connected
---------------------------------- References  See The Human Genome Project. https://www.genome.gov/human-genome-project  Hattingh, Brenda. (2012 a) New Success DNA. What you should know and how to activate
it. Currency Communications Pty. Ltd.: Johannesburg.  Hattingh, Brenda. (2021). The authentic self. Who am I? Currency Communications Pty.
Ltd.: Johannesburg.  See website or Amazon author page. www.amazon.com/author/brendahattingh  Series, Authentic Living, and Leading. Available on the author page. www.amazon.com/author/brendahattingh  Coaching. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coaching  Book a free coaching session on our website. http://www.brendahattingh.com  See our self-coaching courses and books or book a free coaching session on the website.
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